I Poked A Bigfoot

Tim Peeler, lives on top of a mountain near Casar, N.C., he spends his time drinking from a jug and playing the banjo probably. In the wee hours of one morning he heard noise outside of his home and grabbed his trusty pointed stick to investigate.

What he found was a creature looked like a giant ape with a man's face, the thing was 10 feet tall with beautiful hair, yellowish hair, and a yellow beard with firm well defined buns of steel. It had got itself wrapped up in his dog's chains because that is how the cont keeps his animals. "I rough-talked him and said, 'You get away from here.'" said Peeler. He also gave him a poke with the stick.

Faced with a redneck a pointed stick and an erection the creature tossed its fine, light and bouncy hair and walked off.

Later on the creature returned as oviously he had thought of a witty put down that didn't come to him before, don't you hate it when that happens?

Peeler yelled at his unwanted visitor again, and it finally took off. He also noticed the beast had six fingers which can't be good. He called 911 at 3 a.m. and filed a suspicious person report.
"This thing was messin' with my dogs and tryin' to get to my back porch. If he comes too close to me, I'm gonna kill him. "Would I get in any trouble if I shot and killed this beast, this animal or whatever it is?"

A good question, at least then he'd have proof and wouldn't just seem like some other American nutcase with just their word to back it up. He plans to have a camera ready for next time but of course it won't appear again.

An artists impression of the creature.

Old Knudsen's tips when faced with a Bigfoot: Shot first then ask what it is later, only involve the police when you are sure you haven't shot a person.
If you are without a gun lube yerself up as even Bigfeet need love too and a stick combined with a harsh mocking doesn't always work, trust Old Knudsen on this his 4 th wife was a Bigfoot.



Dog the Bigfoot, except even in his heels he doesn't get over 5 foot 6.

Plane Reservation For Cock

Cameron Diaz in a Playboy interview said:

"Oh gosh, I can't even count how many times I've gotten on a plane for love. It's not unusual in this business; my lifestyle demands it. I'm always traveling for cock. You've got to go where it is."

It is very true and Old Knudsen wants to remind certain weemen that he is a person and not just a piece of meat to be used and then bragged about in the press. It is over Ms Diaz you have crossed the line.
Oh theres the phone I wonder if its her gotta go and wet wipe me cock.

The Beast From Beneath

I hate Bloggers, a sickening group of individuals so full of themselves that they feel like everyone wants to read every stupid thing they write............. and so I digest.

Perez Hilton who got famous for stalking and insulting celebrities on his blog is in big trouble. Miley STD Cyrus was caught not wearing any gunties, it cut doon on how fast she could get her hole and have a slash.

Hilton thought it would be funny to post a link on Twatter of this 17 year-old up skirt shot. Miley may of had more dick ends than week ends (while Billy Ray sat in the corner and smoked) but she is still a minor.

The really funny thing is that Hilton maybe looking at 15 years in prison on a Federal child porn charge. Five months later when Miley is 18 would be ok but now she is oh whats the term um 'jail bait' thats it.

Just think 5 months and shes legal heh heh, no idea why that would be at all appealing in any way its no like I'd let that tramp near Old Knudsen's cock , excuse his salty language but he is a former semen.

I wouldn't put it past Hilton to want to be locked up in a building full of rough angry men he just seems the type. I hope he learns his lesson that being rude and calling people names isn't nice............stupid ghey cont!

Tanks, Guns Now What Else Was There?

Old Knudsen has seen his fair share of campaigns and as the saying goes, "war is swell." I figured out why the US and its buddies are having such a hard time in Afghanistan.

The head of U.S. Central Command Gen. David Petraeus was being questioned by Sen. John McCain when he slumped over at the witness table. His head was down just a short time and he appeared to be choking as he was quickly surrounded by aides. Moments later, Petraeus walked out of the hearing room on his own......... which he received yet another medal for.

It seems he was dehydrated from not eating breakfast that morning. He drank some water and ate two bananas and felt better.

Now Old Knudsen is no expert as everyone kept telling him after the whole Bay of pigs incident but maybe you shouldn't put a bloke who forgets to eat breakfast in charge of a war...... just sayin.

I'm Gary I'll Be Yer Local Taliban For The Day

Gary Faulkner is a 50 something California-born building contractor who lives in Colorado. Right now he is being held in custody in Pakistan after being stopped near the border with Afghanistan's Nuristan province, for carrying a pistol, a sword, night-vision equipment and Christian books.

Wanna know what he was doing there? He was looking for Al Qaeda leader Osama Bi Laden of course.

According to his brother Scott "My brother is not crazy. He is highly intelligent and loves his country and he has not forgotten what Osama has done to this country." Scott is not a psychiatrist.

"Osama had made some references to our God, the God of the Bible, in a poor light, and the fact that he was taunting America and getting away with killing thousands of Americans, my brother took that very personally," he told CNN.

To be honest it sounds quite reasonable to Old Knudsen. Some middle aged Gog bothering Yank builder blending into the trees searching thousands of miles of terrain for Osama and his 100 or so camel raping body guards. So what was he going to do if he ever found him? Oh yeah die horribly.
Faulkner had been over 6 times previously which shows you the lack of security and that he was committed to this silly plan of vengeance . He never once though, "Uh maybe this is a real bad idea.
The area where the town of Chitral is has numerous insurgent groups in the region such as the Pakistani Lashkar-e Toiba, and the Afghan Hizb-i Islami Gulbuddin.

Scott Faulkner said his brother "could blend in with the local population and go places that our military cannot go."

Yeah like the local Pakistani police station. Idiots think that if you have a beard and put on a robe then you can pass as Taliban........... well until you speak , walk or just be American like. There is body language and a complete cluelessness of the different cultures.


Come to think of it have you ever noticed how ZZ Top look like the Taliban? except for the one in the middle who looks like a Somali pirate.

U.S. Embassy Spokesman Richard Snelsire was unable to confirm or deny any details probably due to the international embarrassment . Hailed as a Rambo type hero without all the cool action by some and a WTF? by others there is no denying that Faulkner has guts, also no brains and perhaps a mental illness.

Lets just hope the Pakistani government treats this act of terrorism as a brain fart and returns Faulkner to the talk show circuit and a possible book deal and reality show.

Who Is Old Knudsen?

A question that has echoed throughout history only to be answered with riddles lies and yer Ma! Who is Old Knudsen? Some say he is a fallen Angel as old as dirt and knew Adam when he was a wee boy while others say he is a 15 year - old boy from Hemet Callyfornia with a porn addiction and sweaty palms.

A contradiction of a man that no one has been able to pin doon. The truth about Old Knudsen can only be found when you drop all of yer opinions.


A witty fucker, a base and vile brabbler; a chronically dissatisfied person who rebels against the established system, a gob in the eye of convention. He hung on a wind-rocked tree nine whole nights.
A man of action is his own Sun. Correct punctuation and sentence structure is for the weak.

His mother was an Ulster bare-knuckle fighter and his father a Scottish Viking. He was born in a coracle in the middle of the Irish Sea, delivered by the sea God Manannan.

He is the only Timelord with his own teeth. A Chestnut Tree and proud of it.

Winner of the Darwin award 1932, runner-up 1954. Time magazine Person of the Year 2006.

A double dipper, a hater, a spoiler.

A Blogger without a hat is to be harshly mocked. He is the playboy of the western world.

A sexual compulsive and a dangerous intellect. Banned in Halifax. His heart is black and his body is blue.

He discovered Blogjinx©. Has been fisting Lemurs Since 500 A.D.

He can start an argument in an empty room. The mainstream fears and loathes him and he cares not.
If you aren't with him then yer a mong.

He will only throw the first punch in a fight if the poison hasn't worked or he is without a gun.

He can shape shift into a coyote and gave the gift of fire and passion to humanity and is pissed off with how they used it.

He was a Hell being in a former life and right now he is an Asura and loving it . No time for yer greed, hatred and stupidity he has enough of his own so intercourse with the hand. He talks in the first, second, third and fourth person because he is sooo complex and possibly a little insane.

All the above is true depending on which day you get him.

Why this blog?

Old Knudsen has had the hit blog "Old Bitter Balls" for many years and while that world wide hit of a blog hasn't changed and grown Old Knudsen has. Audience and fame is not an issue for him as its all about the blogging and the expectations of the masses only gets in the way of the creativity and the message. If you don't get the message then feck off losser.